To those of you who can look at someone and think, “Pshh, what do they have to complain about? Their life is perfect. They’re gorgeous/rich/successful/etc, so why are they crying like a baby? All they want is attention.”
Everyone has pain. Some of us are good at masking that pain, but once in a while, it becomes impossible to hold up the charade for another second. And then there’s the breakdown; the explosion and release of every emotion that has been bottled up inside for days, weeks, months, years.
Last night I hit one of the lowest points I have in a long time. Probably not since I was a teenager had I experienced a low as severe as this one. I decided to post these pictures because usually, you all are so used to seeing my smiley, happy face. But that is only one side of me. In these pictures you can see the pale lips, the sedated and lost expression, the dark circles, and yes, the black eye. I won’t go into detail, but this was one of those nights where I wasn’t sure whether or not I was going to wake up this morning. I also wasn’t sure whether I wanted to wake up.
You may think you’re alone, but everyone has someone out there who cares about them Friends, family, your online community (ahem,Tumblr. I’m always willing to help out one of my sweet followers, anonymous or not), or even your pet. You all might know by now how much I love my Chihuahua, Bentley, and my little kitten, Baby. Just remember that someone cares about you. Someone wants you to stay alive because they can’t help but smile or jump up and down and wag their little tail (nudge nudge, Bentley) whenever they see your face. Don’t take that away from them.
And if you still think there is no one out there who is worth battling all those demons in your head, you’re wrong. There’s YOU. No matter how depressed, hurt, heartbroken, abandoned, forgotten, worthless, or hopeless you feel, YOU are worth fighting this. You are worth your recovery. It takes courage to reach out for and to accept help. But always remind yourself that you’re worth it. And if you think I’m just preaching to the choir…..I’ve been through all of this myself. I’m still fighting some of this stuff to this day. I know how difficult it is. I know the bravery it takes to get out of bed and finally admit, “I need help,” and to take action. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s scary as hell. But you have to believe in me when I tell you that it does get better—a phrase that I absolutely REFUSED to believe was anything other than complete bullshit, until it actually proved to be true. It does get better. Not overnight. Not without undying willingness and determination. Not without help and support.
You’ve all heard the cliche: “Don’t make a permanent decision to fix a temporary problem.”
The first step is admitting that you need help. Because (you know what I’m gonna say) you’re worth every second of it.